Tuesday, January 07, 2014

‘Qu'est-ce qu'il y a?’

‘They’ve actually spelled it with a ‘w’ on the end in the classified ad:
‘Lovely mirrow for sale…..’’

Maude almost laughed, but she was still cross. She stood over the bed and pIumped the pillows menacingly.  I persevered and trawled through a recent copy of the Newcastle Evening Chronicle for titbits to amuse her and distract her from the origin of her displeasure.

(I get the Chronicle on a Thursday more out of habit than anything else. It’s the jobs day in the paper, but gone are the days when it would boast ‘800 JOBS!’ on the front cover. It’s now much less precise and flags up ‘Pages of Jobs!’. I await the week when it trumpets ‘JOB!’.)

‘Look at this in The Family Notices. ‘Our Little Treasure, Jade, is 21’, but look at the picture they’ve put in….’

‘Stop trying to change the subject.’

‘…. she’s clearly drunk and look at that dress she’s nearly wearing….’

‘I can’t believe you made me watch that film on Christmas Eve – into the first precious minutes of Christmas day. The most depressing film I think I have ever seen - ever. What was it called again? I need to know, so that I can encourage all right-thinking people to avoid it. ’

‘It was called ‘Amour’. You have to admit that it was intense.’

‘That’s one way to describe it.’

Perhaps Michael Haneke’s tale of an elderly French couple struggling with and failing to manage life with dementia wasn’t the best choice of film for the festive season. I kept a close eye on my wife as she started to plump an already plumped pillow beside me.

‘It’s great to have Netflix on the new TV though isn’t it?’

‘Yes, I can be thoroughly depressed by a big screen, rather than the i-pad.’

‘Apparently, some people in the North East say ‘mirrow’ rather than mirror because they are trying to sound posh:

‘I say ‘winda’, I should say ‘window’. I say ‘shadda’, I should say shadow etc…’

Maude replaced the pillow and turned out my reading light.

‘I knew that already. It’s no longer hilarious.’

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