‘They’ve actually spelled it with
a ‘w’ on the end in the classified ad:
‘Lovely mirrow for sale…..’’
Maude almost laughed, but she was
still cross. She stood over the bed and pIumped the pillows menacingly. I persevered and trawled through a recent copy
of the Newcastle Evening Chronicle for titbits to amuse her and distract her
from the origin of her displeasure.
(I get the Chronicle on a
Thursday more out of habit than anything else. It’s the jobs day in the paper,
but gone are the days when it would boast ‘800 JOBS!’ on the front cover. It’s now
much less precise and flags up ‘Pages of Jobs!’. I await the week when it
trumpets ‘JOB!’.)
‘Look at this in The Family
Notices. ‘Our Little Treasure, Jade, is 21’, but look at the picture they’ve
put in….’
‘Stop trying to change the
subject.’
‘…. she’s clearly drunk and look
at that dress she’s nearly wearing….’
‘I can’t believe you made me
watch that film on Christmas Eve – into the first precious minutes of Christmas
day. The most depressing film I think I have ever seen - ever. What was it
called again? I need to know, so that I can encourage all right-thinking people
to avoid it. ’
‘It was called ‘Amour’. You have
to admit that it was intense.’
‘That’s one way to describe it.’
Perhaps Michael Haneke’s tale of an
elderly French couple struggling with and failing to manage life with dementia
wasn’t the best choice of film for the festive season. I kept a close eye on my
wife as she started to plump an already plumped pillow beside me.
‘It’s great to have Netflix on the
new TV though isn’t it?’
‘Yes, I can be thoroughly
depressed by a big screen, rather than the i-pad.’
‘Apparently, some people in the
North East say ‘mirrow’ rather than mirror because they are trying to sound
posh:
‘I say ‘winda’, I should say
‘window’. I say ‘shadda’, I should say shadow etc…’
Maude replaced the pillow and
turned out my reading light.
‘I knew that already. It’s no
longer hilarious.’
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