Friday, April 29, 2011


‘One of the ornamental trees fell on the front pews. Prince Philip is quite badly scratched and he’s blaming members of the Tongan entourage for bringing about the accident by shimmying up the tree for a better view. I did catch a glimpse of the queen’s knickers in the pell mell, but looked away like the good subject I am.’

Maude had taken Aurora up to the loo. The excitement of the vows and the struggle to get the ring on had all been too much for both of them: a toilet break was needed. I had been asked to watch Jocasta and provide commentary, but nothing of note was actually happening.

‘Oh, and Harry has just emerged from behind an arras. His hair is even more tousled than it was. Pretty sure he just winked at one of the security men. The cameraman has gone in close now and Huw Edwards is trying not to mention the vivid smear of lipstick on the lad’s cheek. Harry's examining his outfit for a working pocket. He has a small piece of paper in his hand – possibly a phone number.... 

I could hear a tap running.

‘Wash wash wash dear and don’t, whatever you do, listen to Daddy.’

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