So it was this morning that we awaited our first Christmas card ever from Miles.
I suggested that we should brace ourselves for something lewd – given his track record. Maude told me that I was being unkind and that she expected something quite tasteful – in the light of Miles’ recent company record-breaking earnings in commission.
Indeed Miles has proved to be quite a hit with his new employers. His silky South Shields tones are much in demand to close double-glazing deals across Wiltshire and North Somerset. He proudly told us that he had been highlighted as ‘Salesman of the Month’ in the company magazine.
‘They called me Irrepressible!’
‘I couldn’t agree more,’ said Maude.
‘Unfortunately…’ he continued, ‘they got my name wrong and called me ‘Don’, but that was just a mix-up’.
The ‘card’ duly arrived. It was a picture of a naked Miles running into the sea, signed ‘Don x’.
I didn’t gloat. I just pegged it to the string of more conventional Christmas cards which stretch up the banister.
Aurora now insists on a range of toys and nick nacks before she will go up the wooden hill to bed:
'Piggy!' (cuddly toy)
'Baby!' (spooky, battered doll)
'Cards!' (an already incomplete set of miniature playing cards from a Christmas cracker)
along with her collection of monster figures:
Daddy acts as beast of burden for all of the above.
As we ascended the stairs tonight Aurora stopped midway and began to grimace. I thought that I had forgotten something.
‘What is it darling? Has Daddy forgotten something?’
‘Give me monsters Daddy, now!’
I considered the request and decided that she could be trusted to carry her own monster figures without tumbling down the stairs. She reached out and collected green, blue and one-eye. She didn’t, however, continue straight up to bed. Instead Aurora paused by the image of ‘Don’. Poppet looked through her handful of monsters and decided that ‘one-eye’ was the man for the job. Assuming the stance of a priest exorcising a malevolent spirit, she held 'one-eye' at arm's length in front of the image and shouted:
‘Sea Monster, go home!’