‘I’m thinking of getting a cell phone around this time next year. When I, you know, hit the big half century...’
Pierre has managed to avoid portable devices and seems quite happy to stay off radar as much as possible. Heidi insists he at least takes her mobile when he goes cross country skiing.
‘Well if I broke a leg, I would die of hypothermia, really quickly – so I can sort of see the sense in that one.’
We have an annual date with Pierre and Heidi – usually going to the same restaurant that we used to frequent before they decamped to Montreal. The waiter made quite a convincing display of remembering Pierre and Heidi when they arrived and Maude broke the ice:
‘You’ve changed your glasses Pierre! You don’t look so much like a lesbian now.’
‘I know, I got these on the internet. My prescription, postage, everything. Twenty quid.’
‘They’re too small for his head,’ Heidi observed.
‘I’m sure we did this last year,’ Maude said as we all tried on Pierre’s new glasses.
‘My optician friend Lenny reckons I’ll need glasses around this time next year’, I mentioned. I was trying to get in on the specs thing.
Heidi was squinting at the menu and grumbling. She’d forgotten her reading glasses and seemed surprised that the waitress couldn’t furnish her with a pair.
‘We were at a place in Canada and I forgot my glasses and they produced a whole box of forgotten reading glasses. I just chose a pair with my prescription.’
Maude then showed off her new glasses and I regretted not having my clear glass fake specs with me.
‘But why do you actually have fake glasses?’ asked Pierre.
‘Well,’ I said,’since you ask, they serve three important purposes:
- They create a serious facade for the job interviews I'm not getting at the moment
- They add the necessary gravitas when I need to really chastise the children
- They signal that I am in PA mode and I am about to ask Maude to sign a cheque’