Wednesday, September 03, 2014

Whisky and Savlon

I live in a very quiet village – officially a ‘dormitory village.’ Most of the houses were built just after the railway station. Only the station platform survives. There are many old people.

There are downsides to living among so many elderly people – they speed-dial the GP surgery as soon as the switchboard opens and pinch all the appointments.  

There are upsides as well – the seniors smile at my children and say sweet things. They also drop their shopping lists around the village – mainly in the woefully understocked and farcically overstaffed local Tesco. My favourite recent find is above. It is written on a page taken from a reusable diary from the last century. 

Milk – essential for tea and coffee which have already been bulk bought for fear of running out. My parents still manage to have at least 2 jars of ‘Mellow Birds’ coffee in their cupboard at all times.

Brown Bread – unlikely to be the very earthy stuff coated in bark-like matter, but a nod towards the need to stay ‘regular’.

2 Tins Oranges – more roughage. Also has the potential to be fashioned into something approaching a ‘dessert’. Peeling fresh oranges must just seem an unnecessary fuss when you reach a certain age.

1 small tin ham – not expecting any company and not fond of leftover ham stored in the fridge.

Tissues – for use while sniffling in the GP waiting area (see above). Can be blown into like a little bugle of triumph while listening to younger villagers being told that all the day’s appointments have gone.

‘Iron Bru’ – he got the ‘Bru’ bit right, but we all know that it’s ‘Irn Bru’. Curious choice for an elderly chap. Perhaps it’s a mixer for….

Bottle Whisky – why not? If I reach the lifestyle signified by this list, I’ll have strong spirits too – probably listed above ‘Milk’.

Savlon Cream – hot on the heels of ‘Whisky’ - I wonder if an allergic reaction is expected….


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